All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
