I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
