I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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