Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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