His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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