I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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