Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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