You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
