I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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