took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
