It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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