this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
