You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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