so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize