dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
