My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
