hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
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