i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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