This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
