Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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