The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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