I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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