i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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