You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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