Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
