she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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