that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
