i already hear my dad disowning me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
