Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
