Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
