I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Panties = found
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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