i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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