I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
