He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
