Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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