3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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