I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
