I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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