He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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