It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
