it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
