Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Michael Bay diarrhea
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
