when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
