turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
