Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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