do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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