im drinking this country out of the recession.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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