she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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