We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
