Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
