If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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