Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
