i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
