it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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