He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize