I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
