U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
