I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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