I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
