some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
