im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
