I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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