CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
