That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Found your dick twin last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
