my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we made out on top of his cat.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
