So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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