I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Its about making memories worth repressing
that's an acceptable place to lick
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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