I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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