Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
