I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
