If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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