The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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