Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
