I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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