So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
