I have demons in me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
