I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
