I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize