Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
