yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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