Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
