On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
