We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
