i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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