yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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