Umm I'm too high to move.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
