you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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