I swear she didn't look like that last week.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
