so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
