I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
