We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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