My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
NoShamevember. You game?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
