So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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