does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
