I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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