My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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