OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
