I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
