Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
