She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
