Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
