i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Why is there bacon in the couch?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
