fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
