Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
