We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
