I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
