we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
