I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
