I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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