I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
