I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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