okay pat passed out under dana's car
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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